These are the statuses of my life, Part 1

October 7, 2010 § Leave a comment

Angela decides to wear my mascara... on her cheeks and in her hair.

As you’ve read above, I am the mother of three children and live an interesting life.  I have a wonderful husband and three fabulous children that I am proud of and who make me happy.  That being said, I sometimes feel like my life is a three ring circus in which I am the ringleader, the tightrope walker and the unfortunate soul who has to clean up the elephant poop.  My husband and children are the clowns and, of course, the elephants!

You can learn a lot about my life simply through my Facebook statuses over the past year and a half and as you will quickly learn, my youngest, Angie, can be my biggest challenge some days as a mother.  So, here is a small glimpse into my life.

 Maureen was picking out shampoo in the shampoo aisle when she looked up to see her 2 year old with a bottle conditioner that she had plucked off the shelf… conditioner all over her face, hands and hair! What a lovely site.

Maureen thought her darling daughter was going down to sleep for her nap when she came out of her room to say “Poop in there, Mom.” Instead of sleeping, she was taking the poop from her diaper and putting it in the Barbie train along with her other toys! Bleccch!

Maureen is glad, for once, that it’s not a hot & humid day because Angela decided to dump an entire carton of half & half on the living room carpet…. and dance in it!

Maureen was driving down the street when a pop can rolled under her seat and then rolled back out – twisting and spraying everywhere and everyone… while I was DRIVING!! I had to pull over and let the rest of the can spray out the window before I went on my way. Abby says: “Mom – why did you do that?” Nick says: “That was so AWESOME!!!!”

Maureen had this sentence come out of her mouth tonight: “Well, don’t put your hands in there if you don’t want them to get stuck there.

Maureen is wondering why there are bite marks in the soap on the bathroom sink??

 Maureen just had the CRAP scared out of her by her 2 year old! Poor girl, she scared me so bad that I screamed at the top of my lungs and scared her right back. She has finally stopped crying and I’m just waiting for my heart to start beating again.

Kids

September 27, 2010 § Leave a comment

As I said earlier, I have a habit of recording funny conversations. Colleen called me laughing one day, dying to share this story so that we could record it for posterity. This took place several years ago, when Maureen’s oldest daughter, Abby, was about four and Maureen’s son, Nick, was about a year old. The conversation began with what I hope was Maureen’s joke that Colleen should quit school and become a full-time mother.  The following is a transcript of what Colleen heard through the phone.

Maureen: Colleen, you don’t need to go to college! Why don’t you drop everything, have kids, and be a stay at home mom, right now… Oh, Abby, no! Stop it! Damn. Oops… Abby just locked me in the pantry. Abby, seriously, I gotta get out… God Colleen, she’s stronger than I thought!

 [Maureen pushes and pushes at the door.  She finally gets the door open and, when there is a little space, puts a dirty diaper through the crack, yelling “Aaah! A dirty diaper!” At this point, Abby screams and runs away. Maureen exits the pantry.]

Maureen: Uh-oh! Nicholas is in the freezer. Abby, stop it! Abby, stop it! Abby is trying to close the freezer door on Nicholas. [It should be said that by “in the freezer,” Maureen meant that he had gotten the freezer door open and was taking things out.]

 [The sound of the ice cream man is heard in the background.]

 Abby: Ice cream! Ice cream!

 Maureen: No. You just locked me in the pantry. [Under her breath, into the phone: “No she’s not going to have ice cream! She locked me in the pantry!”]

 [Abby whines and moans, and Maureen goes back to the kitchen, continuing her conversation about motherhood.]

Maureen: No, seriously, it really is a very rewarding experience… Abby, take that rubber band off your head! [laughs]  Abby was defiant, but it helped keep the hair out of her eyes.

– Patty

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