New Blog

January 13, 2011 § Leave a comment

Because this is our family blog and a lot of my updates are not really about my family, I have created a second blog here: http://smackingmyselfintheforehead.wordpress.com/wp-admin/edit.php

Enjoy!

– Patty

Conversations That Make Me Want to Smack Myself in the Forehead: Part 4

December 11, 2010 § 2 Comments

Me: I think this shirt is too small.

Ethan: Don’t worry about it. You’re not fat.

Me: I wasn’t saying I thought I was fat- I was saying it shrunk in the wash! Do you think I’m fat?!

Ethan: Holy crap.

Conversations That Make Me Want to Smack Myself in the Forehead: Part 3

November 16, 2010 § 6 Comments

This conversation took place over my request that Ethan wear a shirt during meal times.

Ethan: But I have to let my body breathe!

Me: It breathes at night.

Ethan: But it’s under covers.

Me: It breathes in the shower.

Ethan: But it’s under water.

Me: Women don’t ever get to let their bodies breathe, and we’re okay.

Ethan: No you’re not. That’s why you don’t live as long.

Me: What? Women live longer than men!

Ethan: But is that really living?

Conversations That Make Me Want to Smack Myself in the Forehead Part 2

November 11, 2010 § 1 Comment

Why I shouldn’t ask my fiance for clothing advice.

Me: Ethan, does this shirt go with this jacket? I bought the shirt because I needed something for under the jacket.

Ethan: You look tiny.

Me: What?

Ethan: The shoulders are huge on your little body. I think it’s too big for you.

Me: No, I LIKE the jacket! I was asking you if the SHIRT goes with it!

Ethan: Oh! Well… no, I would have gone with orange.

Why We Should Avoid Celebrities

October 25, 2010 § 1 Comment

The following is a facebook wall exchange between Meagan and me.  It reminded me that my family should avoid celebrities.  Those star-struck moments just magnify our normal weirdness.

Meagan really shouldn’t be allowed around famous people anymore. Telling the lead singer Bradie had to leave the number one spot in line to go find a bathroom is not appropriate conversation. In other news, THE SCRIPT IS AMAZING!!!!!!

Me: Ha-that’s great. At least you didn’t tell one of your favorite authors that he was a liar*.

Meagan: At least you didn’t tell your hero** that you were going to throw up on him.

Me: Whatever. That was the best Christmas card our family ever sent.

*My sister Colleen met one of my favorite authors and got him to call me while I was at the grocery store. I told him he was lying about who he was. He was a good sport and signed a book for me with the line, “It’s really me!”

**Steve Yzerman, former captain of the Detroit Red Wings.

– Patty

Lasik Surgery: One Month Later

October 21, 2010 § 1 Comment

Before my update, I want to share a story. A few months ago, I started to notice brown spots on my shower sponge. Standing in the shower, I examined them closer and realized they were tiny brown bugs. Disgusted, I threw the sponge away. Ethan’s sponge didn’t seem to have any bugs on it, but I wasn’t going to take any chances, so I threw that one away, too. I replaced the sponges, but they were back a few days later! I tore threw the house washing bedding and examing the apartment for these bugs, but I still only noticed them on the shower sponges.

A few days after Lasik, I examined them again. It turns out those “bugs” were the exfoliating beads from my brown sugar shower gel. I had never been able to see properly in the shower before because I couldn’t wear my glasses in the shower!

That story reminds me why Lasik was the right choice for me. However, one month after my surgery things still aren’t perfect. My left eye, which was almost 20/20 before, is about 20/25 now. Eyes can fluctuate for one to three months after surgery, so I guess I was having a bad left eye day when I went in. My hope is that when everything evens out, it’s back to 20/20.

My night vision still leaves something to be desired, too. It is better than it was, but I still get halos and glares off cars, and it’s harder than before to distinguish objects in the dark. I’m still not driving to unfamiliar places at night; I probably could, but I feel safer sticking to the places I know.

The only other annoyance is dryness. The dryness was a lot better about two weeks after the surgery, but then the autumn weather kicked in. It’s very controllable with eye drops about every hour or two, but it would have been nice to have the surgery farther away from winter so I didn’t have to deal with it.

Anyway, I’m still happy with the surgery but excited for my vision to even out and the night driving to get better.  I’m also beginning to suspect I’m not going to develop the ability to shoot lasers from my eyes.

Click here to see my two week update.

1 day after

1 day after Lasik

1 month after

1 month after Lasik (the brown spot has always been there)

Conversations That Make Me Want to Smack Myself in the Forehead: Part 1

October 12, 2010 § 8 Comments

This one comes from last summer.

Marcus: Since we’re twins, half of what I say to you will be done telepathically anyway.

Me: We never really tried out the whole “telepathic communication” thing. Do you think we can do it?

Marcus: Tell you what. When we’re at the cottage, I’ll blindfold you in the yard and spin you around and around and around. Then I’ll stop you and have you sprint blindfolded toward the cliff. In my mind I’ll yell at you before you hit the edge. If you stop, we can communicate in our heads. If I’m wrong: death.

Me: Well, it has been a long time since we’ve used our twin shenanigans to scare the crap out of Mom and Dad…

Marcus: And maybe instead of sprinting, you can skip and leap toward the cliff, for fun.

– Patty

Moments That Make Me Want to Smack Myself in The Forehead: Part 2

October 5, 2010 § 8 Comments

Merchandise Display Fail

I’d like to meet the employee who chose to place Seven next to Elmo in Grouchland.

 

– Patty

Moments That Make Me Want to Smack Myself in The Forehead: Part 1

October 3, 2010 § 6 Comments

Conformists.

 

– Patty

Lasik Surgery: Two Weeks Later

September 30, 2010 § 6 Comments

My old eye care products- trashed!

Today marks my two week Lasik anniversary- and what a ride it’s been. I wore corrective lenses for over twenty years, but two things finally tipped me over to the Lasik side: utter jealousy over my boyfriend’s Lasik results, and the fact that I have not been able to wear contacts for the past two years. The glasses didn’t bother me from a vanity perspective (although I am happy I don’t need to wear them at my wedding now), but just annoyed the crap out of me. Not being able to wear normal sunglasses, having to constantly clean lenses, always worrying about them breaking… no more! But Lasik isn’t the “walk in blind, walk out happy” procedure it’s advertised as sometimes. I will elaborate.

First of all, it is true (at least from my experience) that the procedure is entirely painless. But that doesn’t mean it’s not scary. It didn’t help that a few days before my procedure, my boyfriend showed me the clip from Fire in the Sky in which the aliens prop a guy’s eye open and a needle comes down from the ceiling, telling me that’s what the procedure would be like. (He did that in retaliation for me showing him this episode of Home Movies the morning of his procedure, but I don’t think his was a proportional response.)

After a few preliminary eye appointments to diagnose my candidacy and get my eye information, I was ready for the surgery. Once I got to the clinic, everything happened really fast; it seemed like I was almost immediately being given drops to numb my eyes and the surgeon was drawing on my eyeballs. (Yes- he drew ON my eyeballs!) I couldn’t feel it happening, which is pretty much true for the surgery itself as well- the scary part isn’t the pain, but the knowledge of what is happening to your eyes (and the faint smell of burning which, fortunately, Ethan had warned me would happen).  The nurse handed me two squeezie balls to hold if I got nervous so I wouldn’t shake my head around, which turned out to be very useful. The procedure was fast, but the lights, noises and smell were very off-putting. When it was all over the nurse asked me to hand her the balls back- apparently I wasn’t ready to, because she had to pry them out of my little hands.

After that is when the pain kicked in. You’re supposed to fall asleep as fast as possible after the surgery so you can sleep off the worst of the pain, but I just couldn’t fall asleep. I just lay there in my stupid goggles (yes, you have to sleep in goggles afterward. Like the mittens babies wear to keep them from scratching themselves, they keep you from pawing at your face in your sleep. And they look awesome.), tears streaming down my face. But that only lasted about an hour- I then slept for six hours and woke up to discover that Ethan had baked a 10 lb. ham while I was out. I ate a delicious ham sandwich, drank two cans of pop and went back to sleep.

Now, two weeks later, I would say it was completely worth it. Here are the pros and cons:

Cons:

  • Constant dry eye. For the first week and a half, I woke up three times a night with dry eye. I did not know that eyes could get so dry they could wake you up.
  • Sleeping in goggles. At first it’s exciting, like you’re about to go skiing in your bed or something, but my ears are too big and kept folding over- very uncomfortable.
  • Bloody eyes. Not painful, just awful to look at. I mean, people wouldn’t look me in the eye because I looked crazy.
  • Glare and fuzziness, especially in fluorescent lighting.
  • Cost (I will be paying $140 a month for two years, although that comes with free check-ups and touch-ups).

Fortunately, all those cons are temporary. Here are the pros:

  • I can wear real sunglasses and then put them on top of my head like the cool people do.
  • I can open the dishwasher or drain pasta fog-free.
  • I can get caught in the rain and still see where I’m going.
  • I can see better than I did in glasses, so no more using the GPS because I can’t read street signs. Now I can just use the GPS because I have no sense of direction.
  • I can apply make-up and see what I’m doing.
  • If I get stranded on an island a la Lord of the Flies, my glasses will not be stolen and used for fire.
  • Did I mention the sunglasses? I am going to look so cool.

So anyway, the cons are temporary but the pros are forever (or at least until I need reading glasses). Still, I’m excited for the redness to go away- I spend every day looking like I just got off a three-day bender. But I guess I can hide that with the sunglasses.

– Patty

For further reading, see my one month update.